Saturday, February 21, 2009

Let's Get This Straight

Yes, it was my decision to perm my hair in November. Now it’s my prerogative to change my mind and want it straight again.

Apparently, however, this is not an entitlement.

My goddaughter says all I have to do is use a round brush with my hair dryer and blow it out straight. Well, honey, it’s obviously I’m an old person so I know that. And if I had that talent, do you think I’d be hunting all over hell’s half acre for a solution to an unwanted perm?

My friend’s daughter loaned me her flat iron to try. Sigh. An hour later and I had flatter frizz and an anxiety attack wondering how I’d find roughly 5 more hours in my week to style my hair this way.

A friend suggested I try an Aveda product called Hang Straight. I’m sure it’s effective for what the bottle says: smoothes flyaways, boosts shine, and resists humidity for curly or wavy hair. Not a peep about perms, and at $17.99 plus shipping for an online beauty store, it’s a lot of money to invest on a hope.

So I did the next best thing. I drug my friend’s daughter (Ms. Flat Iron Wizard) to Wal-greens with me one evening to hit the hair care aisle. She went nuts gushing over how Pantene’s Pro V Extra Straight shampoo and conditioner saved her life when she needed her hair to lie flat. We were off to a great start because it was on sale, 2 for $7 or something like that.

I had the styling gel in that set in the basket too, when my teen advisor showed me a cool gadget that looks like a flat iron with bristles. Apparently you clamp it onto your hair and pull the brush through it while holding the hair dryer to the vents on the outside of this contraption. “Make blow drying your hair straight a snap.” At $8.99, I was sold.

Then I stumbled onto the end cap clearance goodies, where I discovered a product called EasyStraight styler. “Flat-Iron Style, No Flat-Iron Required” it shouted. (I should have known the inventor was clueless, as the second Flat Iron reference doesn’t need a hyphen because it’s not an adjective.) The back of the bottle was even more promising: Say good-bye to your flat-iron (yep, there’s that misused hyphen again!) without saying good-bye to sleek, super-straight styles. This revolutionary formula coats each hair strand with high-tech styling polymers to hold it straight all day long – no matter how coarse or curly hair is.

And it was half the cost of the Pantene version, so I was in business. If you’re adding as we go along, I’ve now dropped $18.50 + tax on this product bonanza.
As you can see even from this crappy photo my husband took, I might as well have set $19.79 on fire in my driveway this week. By the time I use enough coupons on other purchases to recoup that money, the perm will grow out.


CW Merv said...

I have the perfect solution. First, you go out and buy a bunch of blueberries and blackberries. Go get about $30 worth of those berries. Then, you buy a Japanese Musk Melon (it's priced between $100 and $400, so I would shop around for a sale), and add that to the mix. FInally, pour olive oil on top of it, grind the mixture up in a blender, and soak your hair in it for about three hours to straighten it out.

That ought to do the trick!

Julie Sturgeon said...

Hmmm, Merv, are you sure it wouldn't just leave me smelling like a fruit salad?

Sheri said...


I wish, wish, wish I'd never permed my hair way back when. Because now it has a mind of its own!!!!!!